The Urban Monk

Doctor banned from executions in MO now in AZ

2008-07-25T05:29:41Z

From the Arizona Republic:

A Missouri surgeon who was banned by a federal judge from taking part in
capital executions by lethal injection in his home state apparently
participated in Arizona's most recent execution.

Dr. Alan Doerhoff is believed to have taken part in the May 22, 2007,
execution of Robert Comer, 11 months after Doerhoff's Missouri
lethal-injection procedure was ruled unconstitutional and eight months
after the physician was prohibited from further executions in Missouri
because of questions about his standards and competence.

Doerhoff's signature appears below the flat line of an electrocardiogram
tape that recorded Comer's last heartbeats, suggesting that Doerhoff at
least monitored the murderer's condition in his final moments.

The doctor's techniques appear to have influenced new Arizona procedures
for execution by lethal injection, specifically a practice of
administering the killing chemicals through a catheter in the groin
instead of through an arm. It's a method that some critics say is too
complex and contributes to higher risks of error that could lead to undue
suffering.

According to a prominent medical expert on lethal injection, that practice
occurs only in the Missouri and federal protocols, which Doerhoff is
believed to have influenced or devised. He is known to have participated
in executions for those jurisdictions.

Association denied

The Arizona Department of Corrections at first denied having any
association with Doerhoff, a Jefferson City, Mo., resident. When told that
The Republic had his signature from Comer's electrocardiogram, Corrections
officials cited state statutes that protect the identity of Arizona
executioners.

Doerhoff did not return calls. Nor did Corrections Director Dora Schriro,
who before coming to Arizona oversaw Missouri's prisons from 1993 to 2001,
during the same period Doerhoff was advising that state on lethal
injections.

The doctor is not forbidden from participating in Arizona executions, but
the controversy surrounding his past may be another hindrance as the state
seeks to resume executing death-row prisoners.

Competency questioned

Lethal injection is under a legal microscope nationwide. In April, the
U.S. Supreme Court ruled that lethal injection is not cruel-and-unusual
punishment in itself but that defense attorneys can argue that the various
state methods of doing so are at least flawed. Defense attorneys have
repeatedly questioned the competence of executioners.

Prisoners are usually killed by a dose of potassium chloride, a chemical
that causes excruciating pain. At question in state protocols in Arizona
and nationwide is whether the condemned prisoners are sufficiently
anesthetized so that death is as painless as possible and whether a third
chemical administered to paralyze the prisoner masks any reaction to pain.

In its April ruling, the high court upheld the lethal-injection protocol
for Kentucky, but since then, a federal judge in Tennessee and a state
judge in Ohio have ruled that the risk of an agonizing or painful death
was too great because of the three-chemical procedure. They ordered a
single-drug approach using an overdose of anesthesia or barbiturate, which
might take slightly longer but is assuredly pain-free.

The Arizona protocol is already under legal analysis.

Jeffrey Landrigan, 48, the next Arizona prisoner awaiting execution, will
be granted evidentiary hearings in Maricopa County Superior Court to
determine if the Arizona procedure passes constitutional muster. A
separate suit filed by the Office of the State Capital Post Conviction
Defender is trying to obtain detailed information about the training of
executioners.

Based on motions filed by the Arizona Attorney General's Office, the state
is vigorously fighting the release of that information on the premise that
it will reveal identities of people involved in executions.

Extensive experience

According to the St. Louis Post Dispatch, which first learned of
Doerhoff's name in 2006, Doerhoff assisted in more than 54 executions in
Missouri. Court records say that he also developed procedures, inserted
catheters and monitored prisoner consciousness in federal executions in
Indiana.

In 2006, according to court records, a doctor testified under the
pseudonym "John Doe 1" and admitted under oath that he was dyslexic, that
he "improvised" the dosages of the drugs (partly because of how
conveniently or inconveniently they were packaged), had no set protocol
and kept no records of procedures.

His testimony led the federal judge to rule that "Missouri's
lethal-injection procedure subjects condemned inmates to an unnecessary
risk that they will be subject to unconstitutional pain and suffering when
the lethal-injection drugs are administered."

The judge ordered the state to develop an acceptable written state
protocol and in September 2006 enjoined John Doe 1 from participating "in
any manner, at any level," in Missouri's lethal-injection process.

The Post-Dispatch unmasked John Doe 1 as Alan Doerhoff. The newspaper also
learned that Doerhoff had been sued for malpractice 20 times and had paid
several settlements.

The paper reported that, in 2003, he was officially reprimanded by the
Missouri Board of Healing Arts for not disclosing malpractice suits to a
hospital where he practiced and was subsequently barred from some
hospitals.

Identity admitted

Doerhoff later admitted to an Associated Press reporter that he was John
Doe 1, stating that he was proud of his service to Missouri and displeased
at being portrayed as an "ogre who is dyslexic."

The doctor had become a focal point in death-penalty appeals and an
example of what can go wrong with the system. Attorneys appealing the
death sentence of a Virginia killer learned that Doerhoff had devised the
federal lethal-injection protocol and had participated in executions at a
federal prison in Indiana, where high-profile prisoners such as Timothy
McVeigh have been executed. The attorneys wrote in their briefs that the
U.S. Justice Department relied "upon the services of the only person in
this country who has been barred from participation in executions."

The doctor in question was referred to in court documents as "Protected
Person No. 2," but in November 2007, the Los Angeles Times revealed that
it was Doerhoff.

Arizona's protocol

Arizona's lethal-injection protocol came under scrutiny in the case of
Landrigan, who killed a man in Phoenix in 1989 and whose scheduled Nov. 1,
2007, execution was stayed while the Supreme Court pondered the Kentucky
case.

The Arizona protocol prescribes injecting 3 drugs in close succession:
sodium thiopental to induce unconsciousness, followed by pancuronium
bromide to paralyze the condemned person and potassium chloride to stop
the heart. The dosages are spelled out in the protocol, and there are
stated contingency plans if higher doses are deemed necessary.

Though the American Medical Association states that it is an ethical
violation for a physician to participate in lethal injections, the Arizona
protocol lists physicians as possible participants in the procedure. To
cover their work, state law says that people participating in executions
on behalf of the government cannot have their licenses revoked or
suspended by state regulatory boards.

Under the supervision of a "medical team leader" appointed by the director
of the Department of Corrections, the drugs are administered by six people
into two separate ports. One dose of each chemical goes into the person to
be executed, the other into a waste bucket so that none of the people
injecting the drugs will know if he or she made a fatal injection.

Flaws in procedure

Filed with Landrigan's petition for hearings on the lethal-injection
protocol was an affidavit by a Columbia University anesthesiologist named
Mark Heath, who pointed out presumed flaws in the Arizona procedure.

Heath noted that Arizona's proposed use of a catheter placed in the
femoral vein instead of an arm was used only in the Missouri and federal
protocols. And he pointed out that the use of a waste bucket so that the
people injecting the drugs would not know if they were injecting into the
prisoner or into a dead-end tube was used only in federal executions.
Those protocols were purportedly developed or influenced by Doerhoff.

Both of those details, Heath contended, made the process overly complex
and prone to error. The Landrigan motions also ask that Arizona convert to
a one-drug protocol as ordered in Tennessee and Ohio.

Nolberto Machiche, a Department of Corrections spokesman, said Doerhoff
did not write the Arizona protocol. In a formal response, Machiche wrote:
"The department has consulted with a number of correctional systems and
conferred with a number of individuals in the medical field. The
department assembled a team of physicians who were recommended by others.
They worked collaboratively with each other, none of them assumed a lead
role and none of them was responsible for administering any lethal
chemicals."

Machiche further wrote that the department could not disclose names under
state law.

Catheter method used

Comer, the only prisoner to be executed during Schriro's tenure, was put
to death using a catheter in the femoral artery. The current protocol with
the six executioners and the waste bucket was devised after his execution.

Comer's execution appeared peaceful to eyewitnesses, including a Republic
reporter. The 6-minute-long EKG tape monitoring his last minutes shows his
heartbeat holding steady at the point where someone has written in the
moment that the first drug was injected, the point at which Comer lapsed
into unconsciousness, and when the second and third drugs were
administered. Then, about 30 seconds after the last fatal injection, the
heartbeat wavers, the pointed regular peaks and nadirs of the EKG round
out, and then, over the next 40-some seconds level off to a flat line. The
moment of death is noted.

Then the signature: AR Doerhoff MD.

Blaming

2008-07-24T18:05:24Z

How many times has a co-worker come to you and said, "I need to vent," and then launched into an angry story about some perceived injustice, with them as the poor little victim?

When they're done telling you how unfair it all is, they might say, "Thanks for letting me vent" - but they'll rarely talk about doing anything to solve the problem.

How often have you listened to people talk this way? How often do you yourself talk this way?

How often do you recite a story of your own martyrdom? How often do you rant about how unfair it is that another person seems to be doing well (as in, better than you), even though their perceived success doesn't take anything away from you, or even affect you in any tangible way?

How much time and energy do you spend just putting other people down, even though their lives are none of your business?

Have you noticed that while you waste time and energy on complaining about other people, those people focus their own energy on their own lives? If you ever find a person who returns your obsessive dislike, you should probably marry them and share an unfulfilled life of codependent mutual loserhood.

But the rest of us need to understand that "venting" is stupid - because it doesn't work.

Even the name is wrong. It's not really venting. On a machine, a vent lets steam or other pressure escape, so that the pressure doesn't build up and cause the machine to explode. We say that's what we're doing - "venting" or "letting off steam" - but it's not true.

Machines aren't sentient. They don't tell themselves stories. But we do. Or, rather, our egos do. We're not machines. We don't have vents that can be conveniently opened in order to let a build-up of pressure escape. When we start "venting," we don't get rid of the anger and resentment. Instead, as we tell ourselves (and our enabling confidante) the story, we work ourselves into an even more assured state of anger. We tell the story in order to justify it, in order to believe it. We're not trying to cool down - instead of pouring water on the flames of anger, we pour gasoline, because rage is the favorite comfort of the ego, which is lazy and cowardly and doesn't want to take responsibility.

The ego is what separates us from each other, separates us from ourselves, from the entire world and universe. The ego is violent, cruel and grasping. The ego doesn't care about right and wrong - it just wants to win. It wants to be seen to be right.

When individual egos get together to form a collective ego - what David Loy calls "wego" - the result is a mob. This is how lynchings happen, how holocausts happen. It is why revolutions fail, becoming as bad as, or worse than, the regimes they rise up against - because, without a practice that takes us past the ego and into our real nature, the will of the people becomes the ego of the mob.

So, rather than vent, rather than put other people down, rather than behave like resentful, impotent losers, what can we do?

Nothing.

We can do nothing, consciously, which is very different than just not doing anything. Doing nothing is active. Not doing anything is passive.

Show up. Take responsibility. Awaken to your true nature, the Buddha. Sit. Be quiet. Pay attention. Step outside of the narrative. Let go of the story. You won't be able to shut off the story, to silence the ego, but you can observe it with compassionate detachment.

When we do that, we see what the real problem is - and usually there isn't a real problem at all. Usually, it's just the grumbling of the ego. But, even if there really is a problem, we're now in a place where you can skillfully consider what to do about it instead of just indulging in poisonous talk.

Life in this place

2008-07-24T01:30:37Z

A good sangha meeting last night, with new faces and high energy. Mui gave the talk, on emptiness and form, and did a fine job.

Afterwards, I changed out of my robes and headed to the Bikini Lounge, where I ate DJ Alex's sublime burritos with someone I love.

On the way home, driving through a back alley, I saw a man asleep on the ground, using his bag as a pillow.

Service

2008-07-22T00:47:49Z

Anyone coming to Zen practice with a desire to gain something is missing the point. My friend Sokai put it well when he told people in his zendo, "Come with a broom in one hand and your wallet in the other hand."

The practice of Buddha Dharma is the practice of service without thought of gain or outcome. When we want something, there are only two possibilities - either we'll get what we want or we won't. But, in either case, we blind ourselves to everything else. Awakening comes only in letting go of the self that covets awakening.

There's a sangha meeting tomorrow, of course, and a day-long zazenkai at Haku-un-ji on Saturday.

In the rainy season

2008-07-20T22:13:31Z

I'm writing this at The Willow House. I'm grateful for their fast, free wireless...

Yesterday was a long day. I got up early and went to Drip Coffee Lounge (owned and operated by my friend Gina Madrid, but it would be one of my favorite places in town anyway - the food is excellent, and I've heard that the same is true of the coffee). I spent a few hours there working on the final draft of Kill Your Self, my book on Zen that's coming out next year.

After that, there were various people I had to meet with, and in the evening I hung out with Jikai and Seido. Sangha plans were hatched and great conversation was had. This is the monsoon season, and there was a storm getting going as I got in my car to drive home. For a few minutes, I just sat there and watched the warm rain hammer the windshield.

The certainty of sun and moon

2008-07-19T14:18:39Z

Yet, even though this is the way things are, still we feel regret at a blossom’s falling and loathe to see the weeds envelop everything.
- Dogen

A friend lost a family member last year. In the time since then, she has tried to distract herself from the pain using some of the standard methods - alcohol, compulsive sex, career ambition, various kinds of personal drama. None of it works for long, and so there are times when the loss catches up with her, and she becomes depressed.

Her boyfriend does not know how to deal with her depression, and tends to pull away at those times. He says it is because it is hard for him to see her in that state. “I like it when we have fun, when I can make you laugh,” he told her when she talked to him about it.

It might seem at first that his reaction is one of love - he likes to see her happy and hates to see her sad. But such a reaction is entirely self-centered. It is about his own preferences, his own comfort. It excludes her, the suchness of her life, and comes instead from how he wants her to be rather than how she is.

And my friend does the same. Her sister has a boyfriend who responds to his girlfriend’s grief with compassion, accepting her as she is in each moment. My friend envies her sister, resenting that her sister has what she does not - someone who is supportive and loving, someone who is there for her during the most painful times. My friend does not realize that her reaction is the same as that of her boyfriend - she makes everything about herself, and so, instead of being happy for her sister, she reacts with anger about her own perceived lack.

Such a view is both materialistic and solipsistic, and guarantees that we will suffer. And we all do it - until we learn to pay attention to our lives as they are.

Loss, pain and sadness come with the certainty of sun and moon. To have something is to be sure of losing it, because we can keep nothing, including the self we attach to. But our suffering does not come from loss or pain or sadness. It comes from our addiction to ego, to a narrative with ourselves as the protagonist. It comes not from how things are, but from a fantasy about how they ought to be.

And so it goes on: my friend’s boyfriend suffers because he wishes she could be laughing all the time; my friend suffers because she wishes her boyfriend could be there for her during her depression; her sister suffers because she wishes her sister could be happy for her.

No matter how fortunate our circumstances, when we make things about ourselves, our own preferences, we are in hell. We separate from each other, from who we are, from the entire universe. We create a state of alienation, a place where we are always alone.

Hell has only one gate. The way we get out is the same way we came in. Ego brought us in, and letting go of ego will let us leave. Respond to things as they are, rather than as we would prefer them to be, and suffering stops. Experience sadness as sadness, without comparison. Experience pleasure as pleasure, without comparison. And when we do that, we find that one is not better than the other. Both are perfect in the moment of their rising, perfect in the moment of their falling.

This acceptance does not in any way mean giving up or becoming apathetic. The opposite is true; only when we accept life as it is, here and now, can we nurture it with compassion and gratitude, and make the very best of what we are offered.

Awareness and action

2008-07-18T18:39:57Z

On Tuesday, Mui lent me Hua Hu Ching: The Unknown Teachings of Lao Tzu. I have a few quibbles with the translation - some of it sounds creepily Californian, and the term "superior person" instead of the more appropriate "sage" or "master" is too close to Nietzsche for my taste - but for the most part it's very good. I'm particularly struck by this:

Do you imagine the universe is agitated?
Go into the desert at night and look out at the stars.
This practice should answer the question.

The superior person settles her mind as the universe
settles the stars in the sky.
By connecting her mind with the subtle origin, she
calms it. Once calmed, it naturally expands, and ultimately her
mind becomes as vast and immeasurable as the night sky.

And this:

True understanding in a person has two attributes:
awareness and action.
Together they form a natural tai chi.

Who can enjoy enlightenment and remain indifferent
to suffering in the world?
This is not in keeping with the Way.
Only those who increase their service along with their
understanding can be called men and women of Tao.

Time to unwad the maroon panties...

2008-07-17T19:23:29Z

In the past, when I've written here that the Buddha did not believe in reincarnation, there have been tantrums by western followers of Tibetan Buddhism (often ordained people) whose understanding is so shallow that they don't realize that their tradition doesn't have such a belief either.

Here's someone who does understand:

"The profane generally imagine that Buddhists believe in the reincarnation of the soul and even metempsychosis. This is erroneous. Buddhism teaches that the energy produced by the mental and physical activities of a being brings about the apparition of new mental and physical phenomena, when once this being has been dissolved by death."

- Alexandra David-Neel, Magic and Mystery in Tibet

Belief

2008-07-15T20:48:57Z

Someone asked me, "What do you believe in?"

I said, "I don't believe in anything."

He said, "So you're an atheist?"

I said, "No. I'm a Zen Buddhist."

"So you believe in Buddhism?"

"I don't believe in anything."

"That means you're an atheist."

"No," I said. "Atheism is a belief."

"But you're a Buddhist."

"Yes. And Buddhism isn't a system of belief - it's non-belief. I know that as soon as I believe in something, it's not true. It's only a story."

"If you don't believe in anything, you're a nihilist."

"No. Nihilism is a belief in futility, a belief that nothing matters. I don't have any beliefs."

He didn't understand, and I failed to help him understand. I don't believe anything and I don't know anything - because believing or knowing is dualistic. There's that which is believed or known, and there's the person who believes or knows it - two separate entities. When we see through the illusion of what Joshu Sasaki Roshi calls the "I am" self, there is nothing to know or believe, and no one to know or believe it, because subject and object are no longer attached to identity.

Belief and knowledge exist only in the discursive mind, which means that they don't exist at all. And, if you're wondering, I don't believe what I've just written. I don't need to believe it - I experience it, with no separation from it.

You know you want to...

2008-07-15T18:57:34Z

Sangha meeting tonight...

When the sangha got started in Phoenix just over a year ago, it was just me and my student (and, before long, great friend) Fudoki Kevin Souza sitting zazen together. The rate at which the sangha has grown since then has been amazing. Fudoki moved to Carson City, Nevada, a few weeks ago, and he hasn't wasted any time in starting up a sitting group. The first meeting is tomorrow night in the Spiritual Living Center at 675 Fairview Dr. # 218, Carson City. Please arrive 15-20 minutes early for orientation. I'll try to get out there to teach every couple months.

A note from southwestern Babylon

2008-07-14T17:24:50Z

I'm writing these words in a notebook at four o'clock on a Monday morning, as I sit at a dining table with a cup of green tea. I still don't have Internet at home, so later this morning I'll ride my bicycle to the library where I'll check my email and post these words, these words I'm scrawling in black ink right now.

The last few days have been intense.

Thursday night brought the most violent rainstorm I've ever seen. Much of downtown was flooded, including the street I lived on until recently. I was there to pick up some of my stuff, and when I walked from the house to my car - only about an hour after the storm began - I had to wade through water that reached past my ankles. When I returned around 20 minutes later, the flooding was so severe that the cops had closed off the surrounding streets and I couldn't get near it.

As the storm continued, I wandered around looking for anyone who might need assistance, but I didn't see anyone. I took shelter in my favorite downtown hive of scum and villainy, the Bikini Lounge, where I was joined by my friend and student Seido Nathaniel Nichols, who told me he was DJing at The Quincey the following night.

Friday night at The Quincey: The movie Metropolis was shown while Seido and others spun. It was a laid-back atmosphere, so it was a surprise when the cops showed up and shut it down, and even more of a surprise when they beat a kid bloody with their flashlights, even though no one had been violent towards them. A total of 18 cop cars showed up, and they harassed everyone who stayed to witness what was going on, even taking pictures of witnesses.

I'm not going to say much more about it right now, because I'm working on a news story about it, but at least we citizens of Phoenix can sleep at night knowing we're safe from kids watching movies and spinning records. God bless the Phoenix Police Department. I feel protected and served.

Sunday started well, with a good breakfast and a visit to Haku-un-ji. Afterwards, when I checked my phone, there was bad news of a friend who's going through a frighteningly hard time. I called him, we talked, and, amidst the pain and fear, we both laughed, Dharma brothers yucking it up at the beauty and awfulness of it all, illusory flowers in an empty sky.

A note in the rain

2008-07-11T03:55:09Z

It looks like it'll be a few more days before I have Internet access at the new place, so if you need to get in touch with me, phone is best. My phone rings constantly, though, so please be patient.

There's a violent storm right now, with startling lightning, and rain falling with the heaviness of bricks. As soon as it subsides, I'll be moving the rest of my stuff - including two outraged cats.

As usual...

2008-07-08T13:27:06Z

There will, of course, be a sangha meeting tonight. Chanting, zazen, kinhin, tea, Dharma talk, discussion.

When you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him

2008-07-08T02:09:34Z

"Follow me," the wise man said - but he walked behind.
- Leonard Cohen

Those who earnestly desire to seek the Way and to cast off fame and gain may enter: those who are aimless and lack sincerity should not. Should you have entered for the wrong reasons, once you have determined that you have made a mistake, you should depart. Understand that when the desire to seek the Way arises in your heart, you are someone who has, then and there, discarded fame and gain. In the billions of worlds that comprise the universe, it is quite rare to be affiliated with the rightful heirs of the Buddha.
- Dogen

I used to give talks to a "Buddhist" discussion group in Tennessee. I put the word "Buddhist" in quotes because most of them didn't do any kind of Buddhist practice - or any other kind of spiritual practice - at all. They just liked to get together every Sunday to tell each other their theories about a spiritual tradition they knew very little about. Imagine a hybrid of Codependents Anonymous and the Deepak Chopra Fan Club and you'll get an accurate picture of this group.

Each time they invited me to come and speak to them, I would tell them that the Buddha Dharma is a practice, not a belief. It's not something you think, it's something you do. It's not a theory about the nature of reality, but the direct experience of that nature. Essentially, I told them they were a bunch of phonies, but, as codependents will, they kept inviting me to come back. I began to feel as though it was a kind of abusive relationship; I should probably have shown up wearing a wife-beater undershirt and carrying a six-pack of Coors. After a few visits, I realized that I didn't have the medicine for their sickness (or, rather, I did, but it was medicine they weren't willing to take), and the next time I was invited I declined.

One of the members of this group was a woman who was also a member of a cult. She was so into the cult that she spoke its jargon even when talking to non-members who couldn't understand what she was talking about, and she found it difficult to speak in standard English. She came to hear each talk I gave, and one time she came to a meeting of my sangha.

After one of my talks at her discussion group, she approached me and asked if she could talk with me in private. I agreed, we went to another room of the church, and she began to talk in the jargon of her cult. I told her I couldn't understand her. She kept trying, and then she finally managed to say it in plain English.

"I think you're a hypocrite," she said.

I suppose she expected me to be angry or defensive, to argue with her or challenge her. Instead I said, "Why do you care? Why does it matter if I'm a hypocrite or not?"

She probably thought I was being glib, but I wasn't. I meant what I said. For her to have decided, for whatever reason, that I was a hypocrite, and that she had to confront me with it, meant that she had an investment in my not being a hypocrite. Even though she didn't know me, had no relationship with me at all beyond hearing my talks, it was important to her for me not to be a hypocrite, so important that it bothered her that she thought I was one.

Why? Because, like so many people, she wanted a guru. She wanted a perfect being, the embodiment of a cosmic parent, to tell her what to do. Like all those who invest in leaders or gurus, she didn't want to have to take responsibility for herself, for her own happiness. She wanted answers to be given to her by the Wise and Holy One (me), and those answers wouldn't be much use if I wasn't perfect.

Psychologists have names for such a pathology, but here's what it's not called: Dharma.

The Buddha Dharma is either true or it isn't. If it's true, then the character flaws of the teacher don't turn it into a lie. If it's not true, then the wonderful, perfect, fresh, fragrant, shiny character of the teacher can't turn it into something true. Dharma teachers don't really teach, because you can't teach anyone anything that they don't already know. All a Dharma teacher can do is help you to uncover your own perfect wisdom, your own flawless clarity, the Buddha that you are and have always been.

Buddhism is not belief in magic or superstition, and it's not devotion to gurus. It's pulling your sleepy body and mind out of bed early on cold mornings, getting on a cushion and doing zazen. It's embodying the precepts, living with compassion, humility and gratitude. It's swallowing the entire phenomenal universe whole while simultaneously being swallowed by it. It's realizing that the source of all suffering is attachment to self. It's paying attention. It's questions, not answers, because it's about experiencing that the question is already the answer.

I don't know whether I'm a hypocrite or not. It's not my call, but if I had to make a guess I'd say that I probably am. I'm also an enlightened being, and so are you. It's up to you whether you experience your own enlightenment, and the vehicle by which you do so - the unequaled Dharma - is the perfection of wisdom no matter whose mouth it comes out of.

Update

2008-07-08T01:45:36Z

The weekend was mainly spent moving (almost done), but on Friday I made it to The Ruby Room to hear Jikai play one of the best shows of hers I've been to (and I've been to a lot of her shows). On Sunday I made it to Haku-un-ji.

I still don't have Internet at the new place, but should have it in a day or two. I'll blog when I can meantime.

Be polite to genocidal regimes

2008-07-07T03:59:46Z

Bush: "Olympic boycott would insult Chinese."

And that would never do, would it?

Moving...

2008-07-03T01:20:49Z

After almost a year of living with the best housemate ever, I'm in the process of moving, so my Internet access will be sporadic until I get it connected at the new place. Until then, bloggage may be light. Or it may not.

Last night's sangha meeting had an unusually small attendance, but practice was intense. Afterwards, I stopped at a store I normally never set foot in, Wal... I don't even want to say it.

I was there because I'd gotten a call from someone who urgently needed some food, and it was the nearest place that was open. As I stood in line at the checkout, still wearing my robes, one of the staff came up to me, looked at me and said, "Which sect?"

"Rinzai Zen," I said.

"I did a Nichiren Buddhist practice for a few years," he said. "Buddhism's strange... even after you leave it, it doesn't leave you. Things open that don't close."

"Yes," I said.

We bowed to each other, then he went on with his work and I went on with mine.

While you were sleeping...

2008-07-01T23:50:00Z

At this time of year, during the day you know that the Sonoran Desert is not a place where human beings were ever meant to live. But, when the sun goes down, this city is the perfect place to ride a bicycle. At four in the morning, riding along empty downtown streets or through sleeping neighborhoods, there's an intimacy with this metropolis that the people who think they own it never know.

I've heard people talk about the excitement of driving here at night with the windows rolled down, how it feels as the hot air sweeps the sweat from their skin. I love that too, but the difference between experiencing the city from inside a car and from atop a bicycle rolling along the broken sidewalks is the difference between receiving an email from a lover and touching and tasting their body.

Any man with a microphone can tell you what he loves the most

2008-07-01T03:09:48Z

The zazenkai at Haku-un-ji was great. My friend Sprite, who came in from Atlanta, had never taken part in one before, but she hung in for the entire 12 hours, as did seven of our sangha members, three of whom were also doing zazenkai for the first time. Sprite is now seriously considering a move to Phoenix.

I served as handaikan, a meal-server, which was fun but exhausting, since it was so hot outside that every time I left the zendo to get something, the ground burned my feet before I could get my shoes on. I managed to not get too much soup spilled on my kimono. Mui, the traitor, told people what a good cook I am, meaning I'm liable to get roped in to serve as tenzo sometime.

Dokusan will be offered at tomorrow's sangha meeting, in addition to the usual zazen, kinhin, chanting, Dharma talk and discussion. If you want dokusan and don't know the forms, get there fifteen minutes early for orientation.

The best way to spend a Saturday

2008-06-28T10:32:17Z

After only a few hours of sleep, I'm up early and about to put on my robes and head over to Haku-un-ji for a 12-hour zazenkai. Around a half-dozen of my students are taking part, including Mui, who offered his first Dharma talk to the sangha last Tuesday.

A close friend has flown in from Atlanta to take part, and I'm looking forward to seeing her. The only thing that could make it any better would be if Kobutsu were here, but we'll make that happen soon enough.

Mesa cops don't welcome Arpaio's racist thugs

2008-06-26T23:20:11Z

I've been even busier than usual the last few days, hence the lack of bloggage. But I wanted to post this...

Joe Arpaio's plan to sweep Mesa for illegal immigrants this afternoon is drawing attention from Washington, D.C., to the state Capitol.

The Mesa cops aren't happy about the presence of Arpaio's goons either. Here's a press release from the Mesa Police Association:

Sheriff's Tactics Threatening Mesa Citizens and Officers Safety

(Phoenix, AZ) The Mesa Police Association (MPA) has a genuine concern for Mesa police officers and the public's safety as the Maricopa County Sheriff's Office threatens to enter in the City of Mesa after giving a "two day notice". MPA's distress stems from the dangerous atmosphere created by the Sheriff's publicity of his police operations.

"Mesa officers and our citizen's safety are at danger," stated Sgt. Fabian Cota, President of the Mesa Police Association. "The publicity surrounding these operations creates a potential for violence by the gathering of passionate militia groups and endangers the very communities the Sheriff seeks to protect." The Sheriff's operations when entering a city consists of holding a press conference in advance of a local police operation and thereby invites polarized factions to gather in these neighborhoods.

"This method of operation places MPA's member law enforcement officers at risk, because they will place themselves on the frontlines of any confrontation," added Sgt. Cota. According to the National Law Enforcement Officers Memorial Fund, approximately 55 percent of officer fatalities between 1998 and 2007 have been from accidental causes. In 2007 approximately 60 percent of officer deaths involved accidental causes.

"If the Sheriff is insistent on entering Mesa, then the MPA demands him to work with the Mesa Police Department in efforts of protecting the safety of Mesa police officers and the general public," said Sgt. Cota."There is spirit of cooperation that exists by abiding by protocol and notifying another agency when you enter their jurisdiction. It is a common courtesy. The Sheriff's office has not attempted to contact our officers to insure everyone's security and adequate resources."

Generally, the MPA supports a role for local law enforcement in the implementation of immigration laws. Local law enforcement has no ability to affect the problems with a porous border, but it can use its resources to remove criminal aliens from our communities.

MPA looks to the support of Chief George Gascón, Mayor Keno Hawker, City Manager Chris Brady and future and current council members to advocate for effective safe law enforcement. To this end, MPA hopes to convince the Sheriff to use good law enforcement practices, make timely notification to local police and pursue his operations in a manner that do not create unnecessary hazards to the community and to the good men and women of law enforcement.

"Lives are in jeopardy, and MPA wants to prevent acts of violence and accidents from occurring. The Sheriff is creating a dangerous situation when emotions run high and weapons are involved," added Sgt. Cota.

Founded in 1989, the MPA's mission is to promote the positive role of Law Enforcement Professionals, and to protect and secure rights and benefits for our members through effective representation with local, state, and national governments.The organization is currently the largest association representing active Mesa Police Officers.

What I'm doing today..

2008-06-24T23:15:50Z

In 110-degree heat, there's a kind of exhilarating madness in putting on robes and then driving across town in a car with no air-conditioning. Yes, it's that day of the week.

Set to boil

2008-06-22T23:44:45Z

Board of Supervisors backs Sheriff Joe Arpaio; citizens vent rage, frustration at do-nothing Supes.

A great teacher and a great friend

2008-06-21T05:50:11Z

Today ought to be a national holiday - because it's Kobutsu's birthday. There are no words to convey my reverence, gratitude and love for him.

We plan to get him to Phoenix for some sesshins when the weather starts to cool.

A report from the furnace

2008-06-21T02:18:28Z

The temperature reached 113 degrees today.

The only way to live with this sort of heat is to be right here in it, not comparing it to anything else. If I try to console myself with the thought that it will cool down about three months from now, the present moment seems unbearable. When I drop that preference and just sweat, drink water and move very, very slowly, the day is just what it is, and, therefore, perfect.